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The Beer@Noon Diet!

Good day, good human,

I have lately been doing some writing for a new publication, a West Nashville-focused periodical entitled 372WN. I'd highly encourage you to pick one up at one of the many distribution racks you'll soon begin to see around our fair city.

That has kept me busy writing, but not so much blogging. My challenging work at my East Nashville elementary school has also limited time and energy for blogging, and I've been maintaining my new school blog regularly as well. All that said, I'm apologizing for letting my scottmerrickdotnet voice go pretty well dormant.

I recently rediscovered an item on my desktop that I want to share here, and I'm thinking that it's well-timed, this being the first day after Thanksgiving, when I went back for thirds of the Lemon, Rosemary, and Black Tea Brined Grilled Turkey I spent those well-allotted hours overseeing yesterday. Enjoy (and you're welcome):

Welcome. If you are reading this you have an open mind. Good on ya. And you’re a guy, most likely. There are not a lot of diets for us, serious or otherwise. This, my brother, is a secret. Share it not. Keep this to yourself.

The briefest backstory on the planet:  I weighed in at a Higi station in mid-July at my local Kroger pharmacy, only to discover that I was exceeding my “normal” weight by around 14 pounds. The report showed me at 219 pounds and “At Risk.” Not good. We’ll talk about my blood pressure levels later. Look:
Shortly after that inauspicious beginning with Higi, I flew to Denver, Colorado for two weeks, the first week for a professional conference, the second a week with my dear, dear wife and her Denver family, just relaxing. I knew there would be beer involved. A plot began to brew in my wee little mind. Listen, I’m 6 feet tall and at that time I worked what can be described as a desk job (I’m now back in the classroom). I stay pretty active, but not aerobically, not on any regular basis. I walk my dogs every day. I’m sure that helps, but it’s certainly not the 30 minutes of cardio exercise recommended by the pundits. What to do? What to do?

Have you seriously looked into one or another of the “usual suspects” diets? Whatever miracle drug, diet plan, club or cult you look at, the bottom line is clear. Every single motherlovin’’ diet you look—assuming it doesn’t rely on some kind of (usually dangerous) miracle drug--at ends up saying that the best long term results come from cutting calories and increasing exercise. Every single one. Hello? Hello? Hellfricking-o? Let’s do that!

One way to accomplish that necessary combination that is by “Time-restricted feeding” (TRF). Yeah, “TRF.” It’s an actual thing.  Reducing the window in which you eat, and doing so consistently, helps your body burn fats more efficiently and, at least according to, will result in weight loss and furthermore, the maintenance of that weight loss.

My daily caloric intake over the past year or so has been pretty stable. Let’s look at a bulleted list of daily dietary habits:
● zero or low calory yogurt or a guy kibbie (think pan toasted bread with a hole in the middle, add a fried egg and basil) in the morning, sometimes a ~180 calorie breakfast bar if it’s the kind of morning I am off late to work and need pocket-portable food (“Let’s go somewhere we can eat in the car!”)
● a sandwich or plate of something yummy for lunch, taken at or packed to work from my lovely wife’s storefront, Tinwings, by pilfering the employee food bin
● a handful of nuts or a stick of cheese from the fridge when I get home to tide me over to
● a beer, or two, or three
● dinner: a balanced, delicious meal prepared by me or by my lovely wife, who happens to be an accomplished catering and fresh retail foods chef
● a cocktail or two

What can we do to create a time-limited experience that will moderate caloric intake, keep the body healthy, and have fun doing it? I took the lightning bolt to the brain:

The Beer!@Noon!Diet!

● Nothing but black coffee and water before noon
● A “good beer” at noon
              * Don’t drink crappy beer
● Anything you want after that, but…
                *always leave something on the plate
                *eat less than ¼ of the bun, when applicable
                *moderate any other alcohol intake
                *drink water all day
■ A 12 oz. glass of water between any other of any kind of beverage, and
                *keep your eyes open for terrorists
● No snacks no problem—oddly, but true to research, that extra water you are drinking will let you feel generally less hungry
● Walk the dog (or yourself) every day
● Do three instances of 20 minutes increased pulse rate per week, minimum
● Smile
● Do it over and over again, for as long as 2 weeks at a time
                *Go off of it when you want, come back when you want

Colorado is certainly the craft brew state of the nation. Just take a look at the Colorado Breweries List, and yes, that’s a thing, too. I’m too lazy to count them. Well, maybe I should. Okay, I tried but lost track. I’m sorry. Count them for yourself. Hundreds, I say, hundreds. Probably my favorite discovery of the trip was Great Divide’s Hercules Double IPA. Man oh man is that a great 12 ounces of glory. It’s a no nonsense hopfest, with a citrusy start and a serious hoppy finish, all the while malty rich and full of flavor. 

Here’s the thing. After practicing the Beer@NoonDiet from June 23 to July 8, I returned to my home in Nashville. On July 9, I visited the same station at Kroger on Charlotte Avenue. I weighed in at 217, just a two pound weight loss. But my body fat ratio, as measured by higi, was now in the “Acceptable” range! Huh? See:

I continued to keep to the B@N Diet on weekends and follow the other practices during the week. Two weeks later I was down to 206 pounds and every other indicator told me I was in the normal range. My body fat percentage crept lower and never peaked out of the Acceptable range again. We’ll talk about my blood pressure levels later.

I’m a schoolteacher during the school year, and I obviously cannot break out this fantastic diet then, except…Maybe. On. Weekends. What to do? What to do? Make it the “Juice@NoonDiet” during the work week. Follow all the other tenets, only make a (no larger than 16 oz.) nutritional juice with your NutriBullet and pack it for lunch. Keep that water bottle handy. Keep that body-fat ratio in the “Acceptable” range this way.

Don’t Worry. Be Happy. Fish a lot.

Fun Reference:
The Only Beer Diet, lol:


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